Year Three

Three years.

Wow.

Words fail me right now.

So much has happened, so much has changed, so much you aren't physically here for.

But I know you're with us in spirit.  Watching over us.

I look for signs of your presence and smile at the orbs in pictures I've taken of the kids.

And then I think of my unborn child. 

Bree only got to know you for 2 years and 5 months, Jacob for one short month and now a third who won't even have a picture of you holding her to keep for the rest of her life or mine. 

No stories to share with Jake or baby girl of interactions they had with you.  Its a hard thing to take in.

So hard.

Just as having three children will be.

I find myself short-tempered with the kids and at the end of the day I spend my time thinking about the patience you had. 

You gave us all attention, taught us sports, grew a wonderful garden, worked full time and all with endless amounts of patience. 

How did you do it?  Was it hard for you?  Was it worth all the sacrifices you made?

So many questions.

So many conversations I'll never get to have with you.

So much taken for granted.

I miss you so much. 

Ready or Not - Take 2

A month ago Bree declared that she was "too big" to use the stool to brush her teeth.

 

 

Then as the due date for Baby Girl #2 quickly approaches we decided it was time to upgrade her to a bunk bed in which she will, of course, be on the top bunk because she's older now.

 

 

And just last week my little Breezy girl had Kindergarten registration.

 

Just when things are getting good - she's (mostly) willing to help with whatever is asked of her, she wants to explore and travel and experience hands on learning, eager to cook, and can entertain her brother so I can get something accomplished in a day - I have to give her up and send her away to school. 

 

Its just not fair. 

 

I'm not ready. 

 

But I am so excited for all that is coming her way.

 

Payback

Hey Bree - Remember all those times you were picking on Jacob and we tried to tell you that one day he would be bigger than you and it wouldn't be so funny when you're the one being picked on?

 

Well he may not be bigger than you but I definitely see the tables turning. 

 

 

** No children were hurt in the making of this blog post.  If my memory serves me correctly, it was Bree's idea for Jacob to throw the ball at her in the first place.  I was just there to document the joy it brought to Jacob's face. 

Seize the Day

What happens when its75 degrees outside and it starts to rain?

 

You seize the day of course.

 

 

 

Birthday Boy

Its your 3rd birthday, Jake!

 

Its a day that should have been filled with laughter, not tears

 

 

The highlight of your day shouldn't have been folding laundry with Mommy...

 

...stopping long enough to take care of business.

 

You should have eaten birthday cake and ice cream, not Pedialyte pops.

 

Its a day for sharing all the fun and wonderful moments celebrating your life, not sharing the icky sickly germs.

 

The next morning you should have been passed out from too much partying, not too much puking

 

And with your birthday so close to Easter, you and Bree should have been up giggling together awaiting the arrival of the Easter Bunny, not taking turns with the bucket.

 

And Easter morning, a mere two days after your birthday, should not have looked like this.

 

But happy birthday anyways, Jake. 

You sure did make turning three memorable.

Daily reminder

33 weeks pregnant and uncomfortable

 

Limited patience

 

Sick, sick, sick children

 

Nesting desires that I'm not capable of doing

 

Attempting to be a good example in all areas that I preach to my kids.

 

Ending some days with a feeling of defeat is all part of being human - a mom, a wife, having a job, a life, a home, goals and on and on.

 

But there is good news, a glimmer of hope. 

 

Tomorrow is another chance to get it right.