Bittersweet

** Disclaimer: this is one of those blogs that I just needed to type and type it fast to get the feelings off my chest. I apologize for any spelling mistakes and/or rambling sentences and thoughts. Any attempt at proof reading would only lead me to put it off for another day and probably never publish this blog. Sometimes you just need to let your raw feelings hang out.


Today is a bittersweet day. My little man is 6 months old already. He's been on the move since July and in the past week he's begun pulling himself up on things. The crib has been lowered, baby proofing has begun, baby spoons have been dug out again. Its been a rough six months trying to figure out whats causing a lot of his belly problems. We've been through a lot of infant tylenol and oragel but we're making it. He's yet to settle into a routine of any sort so everyday is unpredictable. But I suppose this is a way of showing us what life with a little boy will be like for the rest of our lives.





And with every monthly and yearly milestone of Jacob's also comes the constant reminder of losing Dad. Today marks the five month point since Dad left us. Sometimes it feels as if its been five years already, sometimes it seems like just yesterday. Just a month ago, I made a discovery that just made me smile and my heart laugh and I thought to myself "Oh my god, I've got to call Dad." Then the reality sunk in of I can't call Dad, he's not there to call. Oh how upsetting and unfair life was in that moment. However, my innocent, free speaking daughter gave me the reminder that I needed just this past weekend.

I had borrowed an item from my in-laws and while out running family errands this weekend, we stopped by to return it. My father in-law had come down with a cold so Jacob, Bree and I stayed in the car while Jim ran inside. As she does anytime Jim leaves her sight, Bree asked "Where Daddy go." I explained to her that Papa Dominique wasn't feeling very well, he was sick so Daddy was just running inside for a moment. Bree began to ramble on about Papa crying because he was sick and other things that I could understand so I tuned her out. However my ears perked up when I heard her day "Papa not crying any more. Papa not sick." Tears instantly stung my eyes when I realized that she was no longer talking about Jim's Dad, but about MY dad. So just to be sure what I was assuming was right, I asked her where Papa was and she replied "Up in heaven." I cried all the way home. But she was right. Pap's not crying anymore. Papa's not sick. He's up in heaven and we'll be there someday too.