Year Three

Three years.

Wow.

Words fail me right now.

So much has happened, so much has changed, so much you aren't physically here for.

But I know you're with us in spirit.  Watching over us.

I look for signs of your presence and smile at the orbs in pictures I've taken of the kids.

And then I think of my unborn child. 

Bree only got to know you for 2 years and 5 months, Jacob for one short month and now a third who won't even have a picture of you holding her to keep for the rest of her life or mine. 

No stories to share with Jake or baby girl of interactions they had with you.  Its a hard thing to take in.

So hard.

Just as having three children will be.

I find myself short-tempered with the kids and at the end of the day I spend my time thinking about the patience you had. 

You gave us all attention, taught us sports, grew a wonderful garden, worked full time and all with endless amounts of patience. 

How did you do it?  Was it hard for you?  Was it worth all the sacrifices you made?

So many questions.

So many conversations I'll never get to have with you.

So much taken for granted.

I miss you so much.